Our Tiny Little Beaner

One of my DH's names for me is Bean.  I don't even know where it came from, but because I am Bean, our little one is Beaner.  He sends me a text everyday that says "Hi Bean and Beaner.  I love you guys!"

Today we heard and saw Beaner's heart.  It was PERFECT!!  It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. 

Little Beaner is tiny, but a perfect size for the Dr.

We are hopeful today, but we are still taking it one day at a time.  Another ultrasound next week to make sure things are still going in the right direction.

***I promise to post pic's of Beaner once I get home from work***

ULTRA-excited!

Tomorrow is Ultrasound day!  I am so excited to see this little bean growing inside of me.  It will feel good to actually get to see one of these babies of mine.  I am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything looks good and that there is a strong little heartbeat in there. 

I feel VERY different this time around.  I can barely keep my eyes open, and I feel like I am going to throw-up about 12 hours a day.  Today is a bad day in that department.  Even though my symptoms make it a little hard to get though the day, I am so grateful for them.  My Dr. says that the sicker I am, the stronger the pregnancy, so I say bring it on.

I am worried that if I get much worse I will have to let work know something is up.  I really don't want to do that until I have to, so hopefully this is as bad as I get.

Thank you so much for your kind words and small amount of celebrating.  I love feeling like someone knows, since we are not telling family until the 2nd trimester this time.

Hopefully I will have a cute little picture of the bean to share tomorrow! 

Doubling

Beta on Tuesday - 1317

Beta Today - 2817

Yahoo for more than doubling numbers.

Ultrasound for 7/27  

Don't forget...no celebrating until September 1st....well maybe just a little celebrating.  We sure are!

Life and Death

I have good and bad news.  I guess I should get the bad news over with first...

My dear sweet friend lost her battle with Cancer last weekend.  She fought a very good fight, but in the end the stupid Cancer took over.  I am heartbroken at the thought of going through the rest of my life without her, but so glad that she went quickly and peacefully.  It could have been a terrible process, but from the time we knew there was nothing left to do, and the time she passed was only a couple of days.  I was able to see her and say goodbye 2 days before, and for that I feel very lucky.  We are burying her this weekend, and I am sure that is when the reality will really set in for me.  It is still so hard for me to imagine.  The world lost a beautiful soul when they took her.

Good news...we got our 3rd BFP yesterday morning.  We are not really celebrating until we hit 12 weeks, so don't get to excited for me yet.  I hate what RPL has done to me.  Every time I go to the bathroom I expect to see red.  Every time I have even the tiniest amount of a cramp I think I am going to lose it.  I see my Dr. on Tuesday.  He will keep seeing me every week until I make it to 12 weeks.  September 1st is when we will celebrate! 

Heartbroken

I lost the baby this morning.  

The pain is intense.

The heartbreak is unbearable. 

I have no other words to say. 

I hope a watched phone still rings... **UPDATED

Dear Doctor's Nurse,

Please hurry and call me back. I am freaking out and need you to call and calm me down. I told the lady at the front desk I needed you to call me back before I go into a meeting in 1 hour. I can't go the whole weekend without talking to you or I will flip out. As I told the receptionist, I have been spotting for a couple of days, nothing too bad, but still making me nervous. I read in my book that spotting is normal as long as it isn't bright red or you have a lot of cramping along with it. Well today my spotting got darker and more red. Not much cramping, but I am still very worried. I love this tiny baby and I need everything to be ok. My boobs are still super sore, so I am hoping that means I am still pregnant. I just need you to tell me everything is ok.

Please call before my meeting, or still be available after.

Love,

Me


**My nurse called before my meeting. This might be a little tmi, but she said that when the spotting is either pink (like mine has been) or brown (like mine changed too) then those are usually ok. The fact that I am not having much cramping, if at all, is a good sign too. She told me I could come and get my blood taken to test hcg and progesterone levels and then have my hcg levels taken again on Sunday to make sure they keep rising. I have decided to go do that and put myself at ease. I don't know anything about beta numbers, but is that the same thing as hcg? Do I want to see that number double like that? I won't be able to talk to my Dr. about my test results until Monday, but I can look online for them this weekend so hopefully Dr. Google can help me figure out what they mean. I'm trying to keep my hopes up and my fingers crossed.