Simple Goals

I have 2 main goals for today's appointment.

1. Don't push any pregnant women down. It is not their fault I can't stay pregnant.
2. Do not have a complete emotional breakdown. I just need to keep it together until I get safely back in my car.

and my other goal:

3. Get answers and come up with a plan so I can hopefully not do this again.

I will let you know how it goes!

The Results are in...

And they don't really say jack...

Beta: 88
Progesterone: 4.6

According to Dr..."Both are low. Unsure if pregnancy will be viable. Re-test on Friday"

She said I could try taking Prometrium for my low progesterone, but that it might be too late to do any good. What to do??

This miscarriage (that is what I am calling it) is bringing with it a lot of anger. Last time I was too buried in hear break to feel any anger. This time the anger is right in line with my heartbreak. When I walked into the women's center to get my blood taken and saw all those women with perfectly round bellies, I just wanted to run up and push them all down. I had to remind myself that each and everyone of those women could have gone through all the heartache and disappointment of infertility and loss and are just now getting their miracle after years of pain.

But watch out....I sure am mean these days.

A crying, mean, nasty, mess.

This is not how I am supposed to feel during my favorite time of year.

I did make an appointment for a Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. who specialises in multiple pregnancy losses. I see him on the 23rd. I hope he will be more sensitive to my situation and the questions and fears I now have after losing teo.

One was random, two scares me.

On Having Sex....or the Flu

Plan of action for this cycle....have sex every other day insure that an ovulation won't go un-fertilized.

Then comes Saturday Night, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and with those days brings the worst case of the stomach flu I have ever experienced.

Thanks to this lovely visitor, the last time BD occurred at our house was on Thursday and last I checked it takes more then once a week to make a baby when you don't know when you ovulate.

My plan of 10.10.10 better not be ruined by the flu! Better get back on the bandwagon tonight...and maybe tomorrow for good measure!

Bad News Comes in 3's....

Number 1: Miscarriage

Number 2: Monday morning without any warning I lost my job. Seeing as DH still isn't employed from his lay off this is really bad. I don't know what we are going to do. We are both scrambling trying to find anything. We are also trying to figure out what we are going to do about insurance.

I wonder what Number 3 will be.....

No Internet at home, and now no job to have Internet there, so I might be MIA for a little bit. I will update when I can. If anyone knows any good jobs for commercial interior designers in Utah please pass them along....

The World Hates Infertiles

I wrote a letter to the EAG eR study people about my interest in joining. Here is a copy of my letter:


EAG eR People,

I recently had my first miscarriage and am interested in the EAG eR study. This was my first pregnancy and I was taking Clo mid when I achieved this pregnancy after 21 months of trying. I have met with my Dr and have been advised to wait until January before I can begin trying to conceive again. At this time, I will begin taking Clo mid again. I don't know if I am eligible for this study because of the fertility medication I am on. I also don't know when I would join the study since I have a few months before I can begin actively trying again. Please let me know if and when I would be a good candidate for this study.

Thanks, Me


This was their response:


Baby Hungry,

Thank you for contacting the EAG eR study.

This study is conducted through the National Institutes of Health. We are only allowed to enroll women who are able to get pregnant without fertility measures.

Please call us if you have any questions or if we can give you any information. We would be happy to chat with you.

Thanks again and I wish you the very best of luck,

EAG eR People


I think that is so stupid. Why do they want to help fertile people stay pregnant, but not the ones who try so hard to finally get that way?

BOO!!

I feel like writing back:

Dear EAG eR People,

I would love to call and "chat" with you, but making a baby while infertile takes a lot of time and hard work, so I will have to pass.

Thanks,

Baby Hungry

PS...I have 101 unread blogs in my google reader. I am so sorry! I haven't ment to be a slacker. Just been super busy at work which is were I have to check blogs since we don't have internet at home. I promise to take a big chunk of that number down today!