I feel like I am starting to breath again.
The cramping has stopped and the bleeding has slowed. The crying hang-over has faded, but the the hole in my heart still brings me to tears.
I fell more in love with my husband this weekend. He wouldn't leave my side for 2 days. My pain and heartache was his pain and heartache It is amazing what a trial will do to a relationship when you only have each other to cling to.
I am amazed by the support each one of you offered. Your kindness brought me to tears with every single comment. I feel blessed to associate with each of you. Thank you! In time, I hope to comment back to each one of you.
I am scared. I am scared to move forward and try again. I don't want another baby, I want this one. I am afraid to be excited about another BFP and then have it end in such a painful way. I am scared that I won't ever get another BFP.
#Microblog Monday 605: Halloween Candy
13 hours ago
21 comments:
Hello. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
The being afraid to move forward, but not wanting to give up, is the most horrible feeling. It takes more courage to move forward after a loss than most people can imagine. Getting that BFP is now just the beginning, instead of just being the end of the infertility roller coaster :(
I just want you to know that I've been there too. My husband and I went through four years of trying, including three rounds of IVF before we got pregnant...only to lose the baby at around 8 weeks. It is terribly hard for anyone to lose a baby, but for those of us who have to work so hard to pregnant in the first place it is devastating. I wish you all the strength, courage, and hope you need to move on...and more.
Holding your hands in cyberspace.
I'm glad to hear that your feeling a little better. I'm glad that your hubby was there for you and to grieve with you. I've been thinking about you.
Everything you're feeling is totally understandable. I currently have my second BFP, after an ectopic in July, and I feel like I'm losing my mind, waiting to find out if I'm having yet another ectopic. And even if I get past that phase, I can still lose it to a miscarriage. Sometimes I worry that I am not strong enough to do this again.
I remember being terrified to start trying after I lost my first pregnancy. I too was terrified I'd never get a chance to see a BFP again. But the reality is you won't know until you try. Take your time getting there though, it's a hard road to recovery after losing a pregnancy, give yourself all the time and TLC you need.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish with all my heart I could take away your burden. I feel like, going through it again, I remember much more clearly what I went through the first time, and it saddens me so much to know you're going through it right now. I'm so sorry.
Kait @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com
PS Don't worry about getting back to people either. We just want to be here for you right now.
Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how thrilled you were to see those two lines.
Hang in there; be strong. You and your husband will see those lines again.
I am so sorry for what you are going through! Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage at about 5 weeks a few months ago. It takes time. It is really awesome that you have such a wonderful husband and you guys can lean on each other in a time like this.
Sending prayers your way
I'm so sorry for your loss. How would we ever survive without our husbands?
I'm praying that you'll have the strength to have hope in another pregnancy.
Wishing you peace as you mourn the loss of your little one...
I think the only upside to all of this pain is the deepened love it builds between a husband and wife. Wishing you much strength as the journey continues.
I have been thinking about you too, and wondering how you were doing. I have my first u/s tomorrow (7 weeks) and I'm terrified there isn't going to be a HB. I know even if there is, I am not out of the woods yet. Why can't it ever be easy!!??
Hang in there the best you can.
I'm so sorry for your loss, words can't express :-(
BIG HUGS to you!!!!!!!!
I came over from LFCA. I'm so sorry about your loss and the (very understandable) fear. I hope you can be gentle, patient, and kind with yourself as you recover from the physical effects of your loss and as you and your DH decide what to do moving forward.
I am truly sorry. I know what it feels like to not be able to "breathe" or that you've been holding your breath and finally get to exhale.
I'm LDS also and been through seven first trimester losses. I know what balancing our beliefs, our hopes and our sorrows can be like - that natural man vs. eternal perspective thing.
Wishing you better days to come.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have helpful words...just (((HUGS))). Thinking of you...
I'm still so sorry. Thank God your hubby was everything you needed him to be and now you're that much closer. I hope you start to feel better soon.
xoxo.
All of us who have been through this know the crippling fear you have now. I'm in the same place as you now, but I know I'll eventually push through to try again and I'm sure you will, too. The potential reward of having a baby will outweigh any fears of future heartbreak. But first, mourn this little baby that you'll have to wait to meet. He/she was very real and very much a part of your family.
I've been thinking of you the past few days, keeping you guys in my heart & prayers.
And while yes, you are scared to move forward & try again and scared you won't get another BFP - you will! Trust me :) Trust God.
From LFCA... Sending lots of warm thoughts to you guys. There is no heartache like losing a child.
Praying for you. ((hugs))
I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad the hubby has been there for you and it has made your relationship stronger. Thinking of you, hang in there. *hugs*
I'm so sorry. Glad you're feeling a bit better. Husbands are wonderful when it comes to hard times. My hubby wouldn't leave myside when I had my ectopic...it def brought us closer.
I'm so sorry.
Post a Comment