I drove to the Dr. during a complete blizzard. Snow coming down so hard I cold barley see. And that is pretty much how I felt inside. I was a mess. I had been doing ok, until I got an email from a very good friend telling me that she was six weeks pregnant with her 5th child. Bad timing.
I took the book that I currently can't put down and read it while I waited. I had a nice long wait, but today that was a good thing. I was able to get pretty lost in book world and stayed clam and collected with all the bellies around me.
When my Dr. came in she put her hand on mine and just said she was so sorry. Of course that made me break down a little but I told her if I could get though this appointment without crying I would be doing great.
She asked all the facts...who, what, where, when, how... Those were easy to answer. Facts are cold and direct. I asked my questions. Those answers weren't so direct. Too much unknown to be straight facts.
Since this is my first miscarriage, not much is really done to figure out why. It takes 2 or more before they consider it recurrent miscarriage and research as to why. This is frustrating to me because even though it is common and random, it was and is so personal and such a big deal to me.
Medical TTC break until January. This seems so far away, but I know it will help me heal both physically and emotionally. She asked me what I wanted to do as far as birth control until then, and I thought to myself "have you not been my Dr. for the last 2 years...I don't get pregnant easy, I am not doing any form of birth control!" We decided on either condoms or the "pull out method. Clo mid will start again in January.
She talked to me about the EAG eR study. It looks at the effects of low dose aspirin in improving pregnancy outcomes. I am interested at looking into it. Anyone have any advice or information on that? Anyone participated?
I came out of her office feeling like I had a plan and a purpose. I feel like I can start taking steps forward.
I walked out of the building and the blizzard had stopped. The sun was peaking through the clouds. I am going to be ok.
#Microblog Monday 605: Halloween Candy
13 hours ago
13 comments:
I'm so glad you saw your sunshine at the end of the appointment. I hope that your break lets you heal emotionally and physically. What book were you reading that was so good?
Just want to send a hug your way. I know you've been through a lot lately, but know that there is a community out here that really does care, and I am a member!
I'm glad you are ok. I hope your break allows you to heal. Best wishes and hugs!
I'm happy that today is over for you, and that it ended with a little peace (and sunshine). I have a TON of friends that did the asprin thing (and all of them have beautiful children!) Several of them had miscarried at least once before trying it. I figure it's at least worth a try, can't hurt much. I hope that these few months help you heal, and re-group. And honestly, it's no fun doing cycles during the holidays, (actually the mood swings are what's not fun during the holidays!), so hopefully that is a tiny bit of comfort.
I didn't participate in a study, but I did do the daily low dose aspirin starting in my 8th pregnancy (after 5 losses). I did the chewable kind and just stopped it around 32 weeks. Honestly I can't say it helped for sure, but I can say it didn't hurt. I did have two more losses while on the aspirin protocol, but one was an ectopic pg so no amount of anything would have helped that one and the second was a late implantation/likely chemical pg. I had 4 pgs go to term (or close enough to term for a live birth) while taking aspirin.
Good wishes to you.
Sorry about the friend - I know it's a tough place to be when you are happy for them, but still sad for you.
I'm glad you made it through the appointment and you're feeling some peace. I hope the break allows you heal and prepare for trying again in January. (And it's nice that it falls over the holidays, too)
I'm glad you're appointment gave you some semblance of hope. I know how hard it is to have no answers to these horrible questions. I remember when I had my ectopic and they kept saying, it's probably just bad luck, but now you have a much higher chance of it happening again, but don't worry, it will probably be okay. Well thanks a lot people, that is so reassuring. I hope, hope, hope that the next few months bring your strength and peace. Good luck.
I'm glad to hear the sun is shining in a little, literally and figuratively. It is so hard to have that first miscarriage and not know if it is the "fluke" they tell you happens so often or if it is more to do with us and our problems and will happen again. sigh. I had to take the two month break too but it will go fast, especially with the holidays. I hope as soon as you have that healing time that you will get your baby!
I just read a story about the EAGeR study and the positive effects in a Swedish magazine when I was there. Sounds like a low risk high success rate study - I'd go for it!
Big hugs to you!
So glad you got your questions answered and that you are feeling better.
Sorry about the friend. While you're happy for her it's just bad timing.
Praying for you and for healing.
Wishing you much peace during this break - and all the hope in the world when you start trying again.
I am so very sorry. I don't have any personal experience but I have a cousin who has a blood clotting condition that caused her to have multiple miscarriages. She was instructed to take one baby aspirin a day to help with that. I'm not sure if this is similar, but I know she has gotten through two successful pregnancies thus far. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that January doesn't seem too far away.
Sending out another hug to you! I just found your blog and my heart is aching for you, and I am happy you are finding the sun in all of the clouds.
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